Transitions

and yes, Kim Jaejoong I love your sex hair.



Approximately 5 days ago, I was away from the city life. The trip to step-dad's family's house was super fun. I had the chance to play with the farm animals; pigs, cows, carabaos, chickens and the goats. I swear, it was one helluva fun. I couldn't describe in words. Don't worry, I'll just describe it through the pictures I took. But I won't be uploading them all until tomorrow. I still have to do some serious stuffs and some sh1t~ *sigh


^ a screen cap of my status in Facebook last March 31st


I just changed my profile pic it used to be this:

^ for a school project. XD


I had to change my profile to support the other TVXQ fans, CassPH-as we call ourselves(of course, I'm part of it. xD) in there little way of showing how they-we-all love the boys and that although they have paused their activities as a group, we still support all 5 of them equally and that we are keeping the faith.

I wasn't able to make a post about it. Mom called to inform me we will be (You won't believe how excited I was for the trip!) I mean, it's been almost 9 years since the last time we went there. And, it's been ages since I boarded a ship. Yes, ship. We didn't board a plane though, to my disappointment. But the whole trip was still cool.

The night before the 31st, I was planning on posting a blog about the Commencement Exercises I have witnessed and attended to. If I remember correctly, I attended almost 5 events about graduating students. Two were a Recognition Day where student achievers are recognized and stuffs, with the ever so famous BEST IN *insert word here* ribbons pinned to their clothes. Up to this day, I snicker every time I try to look back during my Elementary days. Not that I feel so old, okay? But you know, I have always received the most unbelievable awards like, The Most Neat and Clean student during my 2nd grade. That was some 8 years ago and I was only ten years old back then. And I was never the tidy one. I'm far from covering half of what I'm supposed to write about yet I'm already off from the topic. hahaha

To be honest, I was kinda nervous because last year, probably around the last quarter of 2009, news of ships sinking with an unbelievable number of deaths were reported here in the Philippines. Now I'm not gonna start with how I have, almost always, connect every unbelievable phenomenon to the movie 2012.

I don't know why or what's up with me these days but really, I was feeling more melancholic a week before the trip we had during the Holy Week. I mean, I don't know. There are just times in a person's life when you just couldn't get what's going on and you just stay there on a corner, wondering. There was even a time (well not now anymore because it's becoming frequent) when I started talking to myself in front of the mirror and just ask questions which couldn't be answered.

Sometimes, I hate whatever it is that I see whenever I stand in front of the mirror.

*looks around*




Okay, so my title says Transitions.

Why? I don't know. Don't ask me.





I was randomly watching DBSK vids, and I came across this vid here:






andddddddddddd although it didn't have English subs (I'm too lazy to find one) I saw this part around 3:15



I'd like to believe that the guys behind Junsu are Yoochun, Changmin and Jaejoong, in that order. Or maybe the guy in the middle is Yunho, the one encircled in yellow.

You can go and watch the vid.

Uhm, the vid might not be that recent but I just want to say this once and for all here.

I wasn't really that shocked by the news of their sudden pause of activities as a group. In fact, I was secretly looking forward for it. Maybe because I know it will be hard for me, so yeah. As what I have said in a post, I have slowly detached myself from them even if it will be hard. But the solo activities is better than nothing. Just like other fans, I'd take their solo activities as a stepping stone to their being a versatile artist. I admit some of them are not that good at acting. Look at Yunho, but that doesn't make me hate him or love him less, heck no. There's always a room for improvement. ^^

I'm saying, even if I'm a fan, I'm not eating everything the boys will give me. Just like Jae's Anan photoshoot. XD I am not that satisfied, lol. It just sounded as if it's food. XD but you know, I wasn't one of those few who wailed because he's posing for Anan. I was thrilled to be exact and now that he cover is out.... meh. But hey, his sex hair is love. so. hahahaahahah.

You see, I have changed. Or so I thought. XD

I've become more understanding on some matters and I no longer jump into conclusions nor blow some things out of proportions, as what I always do. XD

It's just that... I am not ready. After all, those 3 years of fun and crack and lessons learned was unforgettable. I won't treat them as my boyfriends though. HAHAHAH. But more like an older brother. My life was a bore to be really honest. I once asked myself, what would it be like if I hadn't know DBSK? Had it made any difference? Will it still matter? I dunno.

but if someone was to tell me my boys have disbanded and that I'm clinging to a ghost, I'd so punch them. In the face. A pause in group activities is so different from disbandment.

Right now, because I am not really in a stable state (don't worry I am not suicidal) I just don't know how to react. I know I shouldn't be letting these stupid emotions overtake my mind. I'm still sane, I guess. Sigh. This is why I've always wanted to be a boy. Because boys are.. stronger? But mom disagrees and tells me that girls are stronger. Men often do commit suicide when things get f*cked up so that makes us girls stronger. Ohhhhkay. But unlike guys, we girls tend to get attracted so easily. Maybe its because of the estrogen rush. hahahahaha. No seriously.

There is something in us that's fragile. I can't explain it.




^these are my tweets. XD


The moment I came home from the trip, I didn't go online immediately. And the withdrawal was fun though. hahaha. Made me realize there's more to life behind the small box of electric wires, microchips and the flashing screens. I saw an Internet Cafe near the house we stayed at but it was closed because it was the Holy Week and people are supposed to rest and contemplate on stuffs.

I was able to do so. Mom and I were laying in the bed the whole time. I wanted to mingle with my cousins but I just couldn't get rid of the awkward feeling. I feel bad for myself because whenever the situation gets awkward, I just go silent and will never talk until I think it's not awkward anymore. hahaha. I heard the crickets.

During those lazy days, I realized, I'm still young and that I still have lots of things to learn. Just had to work some things out and then BAM! I'm back with my usual me. Maybe the whole i'm-emotional-right-now-don't-mess-with-me phase will wear off. I needs to wear my heart in my sleeve. I think the trip has made me a more better person. If not the worse. =)

I will still keep my faith. ♥