Sometimes, things just happen~

Realization is one of the many things life has taught me. And I hope it would also change people the way it has changed me.

Yesterday, May 25th, we had a little random talk about stuffs. It was like spur of the moment kind of thing. Kuya Val, (kuya=oppa/hyung) asked me questions about studying and vice versa. I was just so awed when he told he was taking up Psychology

BTW, Kuya Val is my office mate. He also works temporarily at this public office I’m currently working at but compared to me, he has already worked there for a couple of months before I started working.

And so, I was literally jumping and clapping at my seat, and I swear I started liking him as much as I like Chunnie. I mean, I started to worship him because I find him really freaking cool. Angelie too~ (She’s my partner in chaos at that public office.)
Why? Because…

Me: Is it true that Psychologists can determine a person’s attitude by simply looking at the way he/she writes the letter T?
Kuya Val: *blink blink* I… don’t think so.
Me: *hopes died* But my friend said she read it on an article… *pout*
Kuya Val: Maybe we haven’t discussed that topic or something yet.. BUT~
Me: But what?
Kuya Val: We can somewhat interpret dreams…
Me and Angelie: OHHHHHHH *amused, awed with stars forming in our eyes*
Kuya Val: hehe
Me: Can you interpret mine? Can you?


And so I started telling him about my random dream that really freaked the heck out of me. Why did it freak the heck out of me? Because in my dream, I actually died. Well, some of you might not mind it but me; it was something worth worrying about.

There were 4 of us in my dream and we were riding on a car; a man was on the driver’s seat, Mom was on the front seat next to the one driving the car and I and this little kid were sitting at the back of a car. Then all of a sudden, the scene changed and I was now on a house and there were people crying. I started felt like crying too when I saw the reason why everyone’s been acting weird= someone died.

As I approach the place where the dead person was laying, I started crying my heart out. The dead person was actually the little kid I was with in the car. And I saw Mom crying and narrating everything that has happened. And just like watching a movie, the scene started to rewind and then realization hit me, I also died in the car crash.
So, maybe it was just my soul wandering around.

After that awkward storytelling, Kuya Val just looked at me and started smiling. I was like, “What's with the face? Is it that bad? I mean, will someone die in my family?” He replied, “Not really but it’s kinda… private. Family matters. I can’t really tell it to you with everybody else listening.”

Srsly. Those just made my curiosity go up to the highest notch. I was bugging him to death. I even asked him to just write it on a piece of paper just so I can get the message. But all of my attempts just wouldn’t work. But eventually, Kuya Val gave in and told me the message.

First, he asked stuffs relating to family matters and all. Then he also asked if I was close with my Mom, do I share my secrets to her and stuffs like that. It took me a few seconds to say “Yes.” Because I myself isn’t really sure about that fact. But anyways I wasn’t really expecting for his interpretations.

He told me that I have always had this little secret. And that secret will be revealed today because I’m posting it like here in this freaky journal. I’m not so sure of the fact that some of you may already know this. But well, I haven’t really met my real biological dad for almost 17 years now.

And Kuya Val said something like:

“You want to have an intact and happy family and that you don’t want them or you to be separated.”






And that just made me cry.

He already warned me that it would be better if he was to tell me about his interpretation privately. It was evident that was he was reluctant. But I just don’t like it when someone tells me something and just like end there even if it’s not yet the end. I don’t really like teasers. 8D

Also, I have always been wanting to see my real dad. I mean, who doesn't want to see their real dads especially if they didn't really get the chance to see them for how many years. And I think that's what almost all kids, sons and daughters want for their family, to be intact and happy.

And I just couldn’t really believe at what he just said. I mean, I was out of words. It was a mixture of unknown emotions and all I did was to just let a single tear drop and fall.

I’m actually happy that I cried. I mean, when was the last time that I cried? Last month? Last week? Yesterday. But its okay because I believe everyone needs a little time of everything. I thought a cry wouldn’t hurt that much. I actually think it’s better than keeping it all inside.

Yesterday was also one of the many days I didn’t see coming. Angelie told me her secret nobody knows. Well, except me and Kuya Val because I truly believe he overheard what Angelie and I were discussing.

It doesn’t really matter.

For me, what we were discussing is reality and I think it would be better if we were to act casual on it. Be open with it and just accept the fact that no one’s really perfect. Angelie’s secret is kinda intriguing and I promised her I wouldn’t tell anyone about it so I’ll not talk about it here.

Maybe by the time the right moment comes, I’ll finally be able to talk more about it.

It’s funny actually. Long time ago, I used to have self-pity for myself because I don’t feel that I belong. Maybe it was because of the realization that I am an illegitimate child. But after that realization, it somehow made me have a new perspective or outlook at life.

I started understanding stuffs and finally had answers to my own questions.

In Angelie’s case, she’s still finding the answers. I feel proud of myself though because she confided in me to think we’re total strangers. We don’t really have a connection or like a bond something that makes us related to each other. I’m happy Angelie trusted me. And it just makes me happy.

She also promised me that by the time she gets answers to her questions, she’ll tell me.




I’m sorry for the sudden shift of story. Hehe. I thought I just had to post this cute happening. It’s not always like this in my life. And I don’t know why they have been coming out all of a sudden. After all, I believed that everything has a reason.

It’s funny how life has taught me wonderful lessons at weird moments. XD

And so,I better go to bed now because it’s close to 0100 hours.